he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
