I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
PANTIES FOUND
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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