I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
