she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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