Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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