beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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