Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
