Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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