home. puking in laundry basket.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
