I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
