Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
