Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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