i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
