Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
