12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
