I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
