and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
