remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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