The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
