she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
