my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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