I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
