i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
