totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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