Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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