Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
