If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
