Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
