doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
