Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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