was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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