not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
