Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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