guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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