I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
