So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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