Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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