State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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