maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
