I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
