It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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