Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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