My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think my moral compass just broke
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
