just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
