you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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