It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need water and some morals
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
