Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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