he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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