He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
