You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
