i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
