he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
