I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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